It's a bitch of a thing isn't it?
In the past couple of months I've seen my life change a whole lot; from being super active on twitter shipping products to going through a tough time, and then realizing I have to be the one who fixes it, and then probably having the best few weeks of my life.
I tried losing fat/weight through multiple ways but for a good year nothing changed apart from GAINING more weight. Food was always the answer to me if I had any troubles in life I couldn't deal with, my coping mechanism, and that made me go from 80kg to 106.4kg at my highest. Even for a 6'2" that's way too much.
But recently I found better habits: taking long walks, not using food as an escape, exercising and in general being more active. It made my days way happier in general, made me confident because I felt lighter and most of all, made me lose 10kgs in the process.
It's probably not even halfway to the level of fitness I want personally but the point remains: When I stacked small Ws, it completed the loop and everything went upwards.
Same thing happened while shipping products or making stuff, the more I did it the more I wanted to do it. I made a game in a gamejam in 48h and that made me explore more products and make prototypes to see what worked.
Until I thought it was going to be this way even if I don't put this effort, and went for the validation.
I came back home recently after 3 months of travelling and went back to the same habits; seeking validation wherever I could find it to push myself slightly more, and falling into old escapisms if I couldn't find it.
I'm grateful the realization is happening sooner than later, but it still happened and I realized no matter how much I change myself, it's only internalized until I keep at it.
Besides, I hate bad decisions, I hate feeling sleepy and lazy all day because I ate too much or shipped nothing.
Anyway, in some sense writing this article and acknowledging to the internet also falls in the same category. But I want to stop this habit and I don't want to look outside for all of this.
I started feeling bad about not losing *enough* because whenever I mentioned that I'm 95 right now, it would look too much for people who did not have enough context (not their fault).
I am getting it more and more that whatever I have to say has no value inherently unless there's some meaning I can attach to it which is available for the collective conscious to see.
Hopefully when the next blogpost comes I have made some things to show for myself.
Until next time, here are two song recommendations: